Subhead: In Which Lucy and Ethel Learn How to Twerk:
See, we went to Ikea and bought two dollar martini glasses. Turns out it’s scientifically impossible to drink martinis in the middle of the day (while Daddy’s at work) unless wearing silk dressing gowns. This led us deep into the sexist naming of Ikea products, which led us to feminism, which led us to Jewel, and then to Alanis Morissette, and, at the far, far end of the road, to Miley Cyrus.
We should note that we did not go deep into Miley, in any sense of the word.
We should note, though, that we did go deep into our martinis. So much so that we ended up swimming with our bleu cheese olives.
Jewel’s live performance brought to you by mrazhat. We can only assume this is Jason Mraz’s disgruntled employee/hat.